I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried when my first rejection came in. As much as I know intellectually that rejection is par for the course as a writer, it sure did get to me. So, as the mature and educated woman I am, I dealt with this rejection in the most sensible and grown up of ways - After I cried I ate M&Ms. A whole big bag of them. Scoffed them down like no tomorrow - except the red ones. I always linger longer on the red ones. Then I watched some daytime TV.
Three very healthy ways to deal with rejection indeed.
My second rejection came a few days later. No tears this time, but more M&Ms and more daytime TV.
I guess Cat Stevens was right when he wrote "The first cut is the deepest", as by the fourth rejection I simply shrugged and ate more delicious tiny buttons of chocolate.
Still, despite the fact the tears stopped, I had to find a better way to deal with the heartbreak coming my way. So I did what any sensible, grown up does. I sought wisdom from the internet. It's not personal, keep trying, share your feelings, blah blah blah ... Not helpful really.
What did help was other people's misery. What does that say about me? I somehow stumbled on a blog about famous rejections and suddenly the world was looking rosier. Reading about The Notebook's 24 rejections and The Help's 60 and what was said about Gatsby (!), I came to the conclusion that I couldn't call myself a bona fide writer until my number of rejections hit double figures at least. And I was only up to 2!
How one finds the resilience to keep going after 60 rejections, I don't know. I guess it comes down to self-belief. Something I find quite transient myself, and generally not at the bottom of a bag of M&Ms. Though I do keep looking for it there.
One piece of wisdom I did hold on to after trawling the net was that rejection means that you're actually trying, actually putting your work out there, not just sitting on the lounge thinking about it and never picking up a pen. Maybe all I'll receive is rejections, maybe not. But if I don't keep putting it out there I'll never hear that one "yes". And that's all it takes - just one "yes".
So, I'll keep on chasing those pavements...
S
I feel more like a writer these days than when I first started thinking about writing. I've joined two critique groups (meeting once per month) and two writer's associations (Tallahassee and Florida).
ReplyDeleteI get so much support and exposure with these groups. If you haven't looked into them, I'd advise it. I'm so much happier having people nearby who are going through the same things.
I've joined the NSW writers' centre and they have writing groups. In the year I shall investigate further.
DeleteOnly another writer understands what it's like. As supportive as friends and family are, they don't quite "get it".
Interacting with other writers is a must, in my opinion, for keeping sane. Hearing the trials/triumphs of others helps us to know we are not alone to suffer or celebrate for that matter. Keep your head up! Oh, and do you mind passing the M&Ms? A little chocolate does wonders... :)
ReplyDeleteIf I could deliver cyber M&Ms I would :)
DeleteTrouble with me, it's never just 'a little' chocolate!
My house was never cleaner than the day I got my first rejection. Now, I know it's a process of right time, right agent. The last two rejections, I have to admit I didn't even open them. I read the first two lines and filed them away. Good luck, don't give up!
ReplyDeleteCracked me up reading that first line M.R.
DeleteThanks for your kind wishes.
Stephen King's "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft" (exact title might be off by a word or two) tells his story of being rejected and the difficulty in breaking through towards publishing. He hammered a nail in the wall above his writing desk and then shoved one rejection letter after another onto the nail. Consider this: You'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket. So those rejection letters are part of the experience. It says you are out there, you are trying. That you've 'put on your big girl panties' and walked out your front door to tell the world you have something to offer. Good luck! From across the world (I'm in the U.S.) my fingers are crossed for you! Love the blog, BTW! (And incase you don't say 'put on your big girl panties' in Australia, it's what we say to little girls who are potty training to motivate them to transition to underwear - it means you are growing up, getting braver, stronger. It's a positive thing and something we say to be encouraging.)
ReplyDeleteHehehe. Yes, we say big girl panties here too. Thanks. Made me chuckle.
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